photo: http://www.jesseleake.comI met withAnnie and Brad four weeks before their wedding so as to finalize the ceremony. They were making jabbing comments at eachother and I was puzzled, as they seemed so mellow when I first met with them. It then came out that Danny was upset. Annie consistently “nagged” him for not beingmore romantic. With exasperation heasked, “What more does she want? Ihand-washed her car last weekend.” “Flowers,”she said. “Why don’t you give meflowers?”
Love ispatient, love is kind, but what is love without seeing? Weird things happenwhen you’re planning for the wedding, such as putting expectations on yourpartner that they’re unaware of. Andwhen they don’t act from those expectations, you can quickly become difficult. Of course, this true even when you’re notplanning a wedding!
Don’t saddleyour partner with unfair, love-testing expectations. Be kind. Be realistic. Follow these fourcommon sense steps.
First, recognizethat your partner isn’t a mind reader! Often I hear brides say, “If he really loved me, I wouldn’t always haveto tell him what I need.” Really? Andyou are a mind reader?
Second, tellyour partner what you need from them; explain how they can help you make thingsgo more smoothly.
Third, behonest with yourself—are your expectations fair and realistic? If your partner has an awkward, strainedrelationship with your mother, it’s not fair to think that she’s going to inviteher to help her pick out the gown!
Fourth, ifyour partner honestly thinks they cannot fulfill those expectations, don’tcondemn them. Explore why your partnerfeels unappreciated and then how you can help each other be happier in the planning.
Trust me,you’ll eliminate needless stress by not demanding that your partner act like someonethey neither cannot be nor want to be.
You aremarrying the person you’re excited to journey with through life. Believe that your partner’s intentions aregood. Pay attention to what they aredoing for you and for the two of you. Ifyou pay attention to each other first, then you’ll be able to see everythingelse in its right perspective. And ifyou don’t believe your partner’s intentions are good, then why are you marryinghim/her? What’s going on?
At leastonce a week ask yourself these three questions so as to get a clearerperception of your partner. What issomething that he/she has done for you in the past week––no matter how small,no matter how easy? Were you able toreadily see the care behind it? Whatwere you focused on that made you miss the love? And then make sure to thank your partner!
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