photo: http://vcsphoto.com Peter Bregman is one of my favoriteauthors on issues of business and communication. I often quote him in the blog associated withmy own communications coaching website (http:thebusinessofconfidence.com).
Last week, Bregman wrote a post forthe Harvard Business Review that was inspired by an experience he had at hiswedding rehearsal. I thought his insightinto why couples get nervous on their wedding day was brilliant.
Rather than trying to paraphrasehim, I’ll let you read his story. . .it’s short and witty and I hope hisinsights help you put your own wedding worries into perspective!
The night before our wedding,Eleanor and I stood awkwardly in the center of a large room, surrounded by ourfamily and our closest friends. There was no particular reason to beuncomfortable; this was just a rehearsal. Still, we were in the spotlight and thingsweren't going smoothly. Neither the rabbi nor the cantor had arrived and wedidn't know where to stand, what to say, or what to do.
It had taken us 11 years — and alot of work — to get to this point. Eleanor is Episcopalian, the daughter of adeacon, and I am Jewish, the son of a Holocaust survivor. The one thing ourparents agreed about before the wedding was that we shouldn't get married.
A friend of ours, Sue Anne SteffeyMorrow, a Methodist minister, offered to stand in for the Jewish officiants whowere absent. She moved us through the rehearsal, placing people in position,reading prayers, and lightening the mood with a few well-timed jokes.
When the rehearsal was over and wewere feeling more relaxed, she offered me and Eleanor a piece of advice thatremains one of the best I have ever received.
"Tomorrow hundreds of peoplewill be watching you on the most important day of your life. Try to rememberthis: It's not a performance; it's an experience."
I love that she said "Try toremember this." On the surface it seems easy to remember but in realityit's almost impossibly difficult, because much of what we do feels like aperformance. We're graded in school and get performance reviews at work. We winraces, earn titles, receive praise, and sometimes gain fame, all because of ourperformance. We're paid for our performance. Even little things — leading ameeting, having a hallway conversation, sending an email — are followed by thesilent but ever-present question: "How'd that go?"
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