What Was Your Favorite Ceremony?

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photo:  tjweddings.com
When I meet with a couple, one ofthe first things I ask is: “is thereanything you know that you do want or anything you know that you don’t want?”
Brad and Darlene, the couple I metwith today, told me that they weren’t sure what they wanted, even thoughthey’ve been to over a dozen weddings in the past two years.  They said that they all had become just ablur. 
But then Brad excitedly turned toDarlene and reminded her of the wedding of their friends Jared and Kathy.  Darlene in turn got excited and agreed thatthe ceremony had been beautiful.
However, when I asked what aboutthe ceremony they liked, they drew a blank––they couldn’t remember anythingspecific!  They just remembered that thecelebrant offered words that touched them and that spoke to their ownrelationship.
As they chatted a bit longer aboutthe wedding, it became clear that they couldn’t remember much of anything––justthat it was a wonderful experience.
I laughed because they proved whatI’ve always maintained.  People don’tremember details so much as they remember the feel and tone of your celebration.  I’m sure Jared and Kathy put a lot of thoughtand care into the planning of their ceremony and reception, but what Brad andDarlene remembered was the joy and love that went into the day and not theparticulars.
I think this is vitally importantto keep in mind as you plan your celebration.
So. . .·       What was the most moving ceremony you’vewitnessed?  ·       What made it memorable for you? 
If you can’t recall theparticulars, why do you think that is? 
Let your answers to these questionsguide you in your own planning!

The 100 Year Old Ring

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J+T | Pelican Hill Wedding | Newport Coast | 16mm Wedding Film from Living Cinema on Vimeo.


I officiated Jindy and Tilmann's wedding last Fall atPelican Hill. There were many special touches woven into their ceremony, themost moving of which was the ring Jindy gave to Tilmann.  It had been his great-grandfather's weddingring and was one hundred years old!  
I always find the exchange of rings to be something of an electrifyingmoment in the ceremony and I was especially moved when Jindy placed the ring ofTilmann's finger––it was slipping a hundred years of devotion and love onto hisfinger!

The Couple I Refused To Marry

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photo: meg smithSimon and Jacqui were a “nice” couplewho happen to be one of a handful of couples whose wedding I declined toofficiate.  I actually don’t say “yes” toevery couple that asks me to celebrate their ceremony.  While I’m not able to predict if a couple willlive happily ever after, I need to have a gut feeling that they have what ittakes.
Jacqui and Simon had been togetherfor ten years.  Within minutes of ourmeeting, Jacqui told me that she had sacrificed her life for Simon.  She gave up plans for grad school so as towork and put him through law school.  Shehelped him pay off his student loans and she moved around to three differentstates for him.
She said that now it was herturn—she wanted a wedding and he “owed” her. 
Simon had taken the Bar exam andwas waiting to hear the results.  Sincehe’d reached his goal and Jacqui no longer needed to sacrifice for him, I askedhim if was prepared to sacrifice for her. He looked at me blankly. Huh?  Again, I asked what was heprepared to do to help her reach her dreams. He was stumped, as he’d never thought of it quite that way.
I’m not a psychologist or amarriage therapist.  I am, though, acommunications coach and it was alarmingly evident that Simon & Jacqui hadnot had the hard conversations that were needed before getting married.
Jacqui presented herself as amartyr for their love.  Generous?  Yes and also drastic as she sacrificedwithout any planning for her own future. Simon wasn’t able to tell me what Jacqui’s dreams were because theyhadn’t talked about her dreams.
That Jacqui felt entitled to afancy wedding because she sacrificed for him, puts an odd spin on theirwedding.  A wedding is a couple’scelebration and not the bride’s coronation! 
Planning a wedding with atit-for-tat mentality is simply not healthy as it’s petty and rife withopportunities for passive-aggressive acts.
I declined to officiate theirwedding because I didn’t understand the vision they had for their lifetogether.  It seemed more a transactionthan a sacred commitment (sacred in the sense that when two people give theirword to each other, that act is bigger than just the two of them).
So, what is your vision for yourgreat day?  For your life together?  If you don’t have a shared vision, then whatdo you have?!

I'm On The Huffington Post!

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photo: aaronyoungphotography.com


Although it’s been a while since Iblogged here, I have been busy writing. One of my goals for this year was to have a posting published on TheHuffington Post and I’m thrilled to say that this month I became a blogger inthe Weddings Section!
The post is titled:  The Two Most Common Lies Couples Buy Into When Planning Their Wedding
Enjoy!
I recently met with a couple tofinalize their ceremony.  When I askedhow they were doing, Meredith, the bride, sighed, “Well, we’re not as happy as when we first met you.  We’re just so tired of dealing withpeople––we want it to be over!”
You don’t need me to tell you thatplanning a wedding is a wild, wacky emotional roller coaster ride.  But here’s the thing about emotions.  Emotions can either allow us to react topeople and situations in a healthy way OR they can trip us up and cause us tosabotage our relationships and plans. 
What we “think” influences what we “feel.”
Emotions that prevent us fromacting in a way that is in our own best interest are grounded in some veryirrational thoughts—lies––we play so often in our heads that we simply acceptthem as true, even though they’re not.    
There are two common “lies” couplestell themselves while stressing with wedding planning.  Buy into them and your emotions quickly getout of whack.Continue reading. . .

A "Style Me Pretty" Kind Of Wedding!

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photo: vcsphoto.com

I had the honor of officiating Judy’sand Justin’s wedding this past March and today their celebration is wonderfullyprofiled on Style Me Pretty!
I love what I do because I get towork with some of the most generous and talented people you’ll ever find––andwe all get to work together by collaborating on weddings for some of the mostgenuine and loving couples you’ll ever find!
Take a moment to read Judy’s andJustin’s story, take a look at their photos and you’ll understand what I mean.. .
Justin and I first met on July 11th(1 day before my birthday and 2 days after his!) My best friend and I justwanted to go out the two of us and grab a couple of drinks at a local bar anddance. I really wasn’t looking to dating anyone I was really happy being singleand starting a new chapter in my life as a college grad. While my best friendand I were hanging out having a drink and enjoying good music a guy comes up tous and asks “What’s up, can I buy you two a drink.” We both looked at eachother and said sure. My best friend told the guy (Justin) that it was mybirthday the next day and he said no way mine was 2 days ago! We instantly hadsomething in common and it just felt comfortable. Justin took us to his friendsand I happen to know one of his friends from a bunch of college classes andanother from high school…SMALL WORLD! We ended up dancing the night awaytogether. At the end of the night he told me it would be an awesome birthdaygift to get my number (haha cheesy, but so cute!) of course I gave it to himand he texted me “Had a great time with you, get home safe.” I thought that wassweet. We ended up hanging out the next day which was my birthday and the restis history! Justin and I would talk on the phone for hours there was never anawkward silence or a dull moment. We are truly best friends. I remember tellingfriends that the next guy I fall in love with will be my husband and that cametrue!continue reading. . .

Evil Eye Talisman

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Explanation of the Evil Eye and the Talisman that wards it off.
From Wikipedia:  
 "In many beliefs, a person—otherwise not malefic in any way—can harm adults, children, livestock or possessions, simply by looking at them with envy. The word "evil" is somewhat misleading in this context, because it suggests an intentional "curse" on the victim. A better understanding of the term "evil eye" can be gained from the old English word for casting the evil eye, namely "overlooking", implying that the gaze has remained focused on the coveted object, person, or animal for too long.......
Attempts to ward off the curse of the evil eye has resulted in a number of talismans in many cultures. As a class, they are called "apotropaic" (Greek for "prophylactic" or "protective," literally: "turns away") talismans, meaning that they turn away or turn back harm.
.....
Disks or balls, consisting of concentric blue and white circles (usually, from inside to outside, dark blue, light blue, white, dark blue) representing an evil eye are common apotropaic talismans in the Middle East, found on the prows of Mediterranean boats and elsewhere; in some forms of the folklore, the staring eyes are supposed to bend the malicious gaze back to the sorcerer."

My Evil Eye Talisman's are made for the feeling of protection.  They are filled with good Mojo- no evil intents.  Each piece made with love and light heartedness!

These protective pendants are my artistic interpretation,  not just blue concentric circles - but all sorts of colors and designs yet still obviously an Evil Eye Talisman. 

Monmouth Museum Opening Reception

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JOIN US! Opening Reception Friday November 4, 2011 at 6 pm  

 This alumni exhibition will feature the new work of many of our former artists from the New Jersey Emerging Artists Series. New Jersey Artists Emerged will offer an inside glimpse into their evolution as artists since their first New Jersey solo exhibition at the Monmouth Museum. This exhibition includes works by the following artists:Linda Lee Nicholas, Sangita Phadke, Amy Puccio, Gustav Rosenlof, Lauren Rosenthal  
Shin-Young An, Pat Brentano, Rick Buttari, Philip Carroll, Gary Dates, Kathy Forer, Jill Baker Gower, Seth Ruggles Hiler, Paul Lenz, Darren McManus, John Monahan,
Megan Ruisch, Marie Sturken, Anique Taylor and Yvonne Yaar.

Artist's Panel Discussion
November 30, 2011The artists will discuss their new work, offer insights to artists entering the exhibition arena, and share their personal stories with the audience.Monmouth Museum765 Newman Springs Road  Lincroft, NJ 07738

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