I'm On The Huffington Post!

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photo: aaronyoungphotography.com


Although it’s been a while since Iblogged here, I have been busy writing. One of my goals for this year was to have a posting published on TheHuffington Post and I’m thrilled to say that this month I became a blogger inthe Weddings Section!
The post is titled:  The Two Most Common Lies Couples Buy Into When Planning Their Wedding
Enjoy!
I recently met with a couple tofinalize their ceremony.  When I askedhow they were doing, Meredith, the bride, sighed, “Well, we’re not as happy as when we first met you.  We’re just so tired of dealing withpeople––we want it to be over!”
You don’t need me to tell you thatplanning a wedding is a wild, wacky emotional roller coaster ride.  But here’s the thing about emotions.  Emotions can either allow us to react topeople and situations in a healthy way OR they can trip us up and cause us tosabotage our relationships and plans. 
What we “think” influences what we “feel.”
Emotions that prevent us fromacting in a way that is in our own best interest are grounded in some veryirrational thoughts—lies––we play so often in our heads that we simply acceptthem as true, even though they’re not.    
There are two common “lies” couplestell themselves while stressing with wedding planning.  Buy into them and your emotions quickly getout of whack.Continue reading. . .

Just Published! My 3rd E-Book: "How To Keep The 'I' in 'I Do'"

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  “I love my mother, but she’s driving me crazy”
“The stress is toomuch; I’m ready to elope to Vegas”
“I’m trying to pleaseeveryone, but. . .”
“Whatever she wants isfine with me.  I’m staying out of it”
“I’m worried that itwon’t be perfect”

Ask any bride or groom and chancesare they’ll tell you that at some point in planning for their wedding, theyuttered one or more of the above phrases.
Parents have black belts in the artof emotional blackmail.  Family andfriends will flame toss accusations that come from nowhere—or from a“forgotten” moment five years before. And you will be bombarded with the unforeseen costs—financial andemotional.
While planning for a wedding, thequality of communication between a couple decreases as stress increases.
My new e- book, How To Keep The ‘I’ In ‘I Do’: GetHeard, Stay Sane. Commonsense Ways To Communicate With Your Partner WhilePlanning Your Wedding—and beyond!is for couples overwhelmed with the demands of planning their wedding.  It’s based in the belief that clear, honest,healthy communication goes a long way to reducing stress by cutting throughmisunderstanding and misperception.
Through the examples of real lifewedding stories (all names changed!), I offer you simple, easy to usecommunication tips and techniques to help you get heard and understood, witheach other, with family members and with vendors.  These strategies allow you to stay sane byreplacing mind games with effective tools for bringing their wedding dream toreality.
In addition to being a non-denominationalwedding officiant I’m also a corporate communications coach and trainer.  On a daily basis, I help people learn smart,healthy communication skills so they can form satisfying relationships—bothprofessional and personal.
Throughout the book, I draw on myexperiences as a wedding officiant and a communications coach.  At once humorous, practical and romantic, exercises,self-assessments, checklists and real life stories of couples who made thewedding planning journey will demonstrate dozens of surefire communicationskills, tips, and techniques for navigating the wackiness of wedding planningwith a minimum of stress. 
My hope is that while reading thebook you’ll be able to think to your selves: ·       We’re notalone·       We neverthought of that before·       There ishope
This book helps you plan yourwedding as a couple and so turn yourwedding dream into a reality.
For more info, CLICK: How To Keep the ‘I’ In ‘I Do’: GetHeard, Stay Sane. Commonsense Ways To Communicate With Your Partner WhilePlanning Your Wedding—and beyond!

A New Way Of Looking At Being Nervous

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photo: http://vcsphoto.com 

Peter Bregman is one of my favoriteauthors on issues of business and communication.  I often quote him in the blog associated withmy own communications coaching website (http:thebusinessofconfidence.com).
Last week, Bregman wrote a post forthe Harvard Business Review that was inspired by an experience he had at hiswedding rehearsal.  I thought his insightinto why couples get nervous on their wedding day was brilliant.
Rather than trying to paraphrasehim, I’ll let you read his story. . .it’s short and witty and I hope hisinsights help you put your own wedding worries into perspective!

The night before our wedding,Eleanor and I stood awkwardly in the center of a large room, surrounded by ourfamily and our closest friends. There was no particular reason to beuncomfortable; this was just a rehearsal. Still, we were in the spotlight and thingsweren't going smoothly. Neither the rabbi nor the cantor had arrived and wedidn't know where to stand, what to say, or what to do.

It had taken us 11 years — and alot of work — to get to this point. Eleanor is Episcopalian, the daughter of adeacon, and I am Jewish, the son of a Holocaust survivor. The one thing ourparents agreed about before the wedding was that we shouldn't get married.


A friend of ours, Sue Anne SteffeyMorrow, a Methodist minister, offered to stand in for the Jewish officiants whowere absent. She moved us through the rehearsal, placing people in position,reading prayers, and lightening the mood with a few well-timed jokes.


When the rehearsal was over and wewere feeling more relaxed, she offered me and Eleanor a piece of advice thatremains one of the best I have ever received.


"Tomorrow hundreds of peoplewill be watching you on the most important day of your life. Try to rememberthis: It's not a performance; it's an experience."


I love that she said "Try toremember this." On the surface it seems easy to remember but in realityit's almost impossibly difficult, because much of what we do feels like aperformance. We're graded in school and get performance reviews at work. We winraces, earn titles, receive praise, and sometimes gain fame, all because of ourperformance. We're paid for our performance. Even little things — leading ameeting, having a hallway conversation, sending an email — are followed by thesilent but ever-present question: "How'd that go?"


Continue Reading. . .

A Favorite "Thank You" Note

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photo: amyandstuart.com

A few days ago I got a “thank you”note from a bride who’s wedding I recently officiated.  She wrote, “I am actually getting emotional thinking about all of it again. . . Ialways thought of the marriage ceremony part of a wedding as kind of the boringpart of a wedding, but you really made it exciting and special for our guestsand us and I can't thank you enough for that. It's something I will remember forever.”
I was both grateful and surprisedby her note as I oftentimes forget how people’s past experiences with ceremonyand ritual can make them confused and apprehensive when they approach their ownwedding ceremony.
I’m happy (and a bit smug!) that Iwas able to give this couple a ceremony that was anything but boring.  But her kind note also reminds me of what Ihave believed for a long time––that when done well ritual and ceremonyrefreshes rather than bores, inspires instead of deadening the spirit. 
When done well a ceremony remindsfamily and friends just what it is that they’re celebrating.  And this bride’s ceremony was just 12 minuteslong––that’s shorter than my average ceremony (20 – 25 minutes), but it showsthe emotional power of having cherished ones bear witness as you pledge yourlife together.
I’m happy this bride reminded meagain of this great truth. . .

Honor From "The Wedding Industry Experts" International Panel

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photo: nicole goddard

I am honored to have been selected tobe part of “The Wedding Industry Experts” International 2013 Panel of Wedding Officiants!  I’m especially flattered in light of whatthey state on their website:
“Weconsider the award winning members of our panels as role models that when youlook at their work and achievements you think: "Wow - that's a person whois really doing it right".  Surrounding ourselves with those who are more skilled and knowledgeable canhelp us learn a lot more than we might alone.”
Thank you!

Raindrops Keep Fallin' On My Head!

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The Lighthouse Center in Waretown, NJ has recently been hit with several substantial rainstorms. During the most recent storm, there was quite a bit of flooding and a tree actually toppled over on to the roof of the dining hall! The fearless groundskeeper, Pola Galie, snapped a few pictures of the damage. Although our summer home may not be in perfect condition right now, I have no doubt we will be back in business by mid-June and completely ready for our first Earthwatch team!

Abby's visual ecology research

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Hello terrapin enthusiasts!

Wow, so much has happened this year, I don't even know where to start!

First of all, the Drexel terrapin crew went to Chauvin, LA in November to present our research findings at the diamondback terrapin working group symposium on the ecology, status, and conservation of the diamondback terrapin. We learned a great deal about other kinds of studies being conducted on the terrapin; most of all though, we learned how much we still don't know about the terrapin, and more research is necessary to gain a greater understanding.

Over the Summer of 2010 I collected over 500 reflectance spectra from more than 60 individual terrapins. From these data I have been able to compare coloration within and among individuals, as well as model the visual system of the terrapin. From these analyses and from previous research on turtle vision, I speculate that terrapins have tetrachormatic vision (UV, blue, green, red), and communicate across all color channels, especially in the UV. Intra- and inter-specific signaling in the UV has been documented in flower-pollinator relationships as well as a signal communicating fitness to potential mates (e.g. birds, jumping spiders, ocellated lizards).


In addition to the vision modeling, I have processed most of my blood and tissue samples. I hope to finish these up and send them out for genotyping so I can correlate possible differences in reproductive success with differences in phenotype (coloration). If UV patterning or coloration is a signal of fitness in the terrapin, then I may find that terrapins with a brighter UV signal may have higher reproductive success.

On top of all this, last March I completed my written candidacy exam, and on April 12 completed my oral exam to become a PhD candidate! Now that I am a candidate, the work has really started!

This Summer I hope to gather more reflectance spectra data, blood samples and hatchling tissue samples for genotyping, as well as design a system for measuring in situ underwater irradiance. But the only way this can be done is if you sign up to become an Earthwatch volunteer! Not only will you help me collect data to elucidate the visual ecology of the terrapin, you will get to join one of the research staff everyday to collect, track, and release terrapins. Some weeks we collect almost 100 terrapins! That's a lot of processing...so come sign up and help us out!