Unusual Advice

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photo: Jesse Leake
In my last post, I wrote that Ibelieve the quality of our life is indirect proportion to the quality of the communication in our life.  But, what makes for quality communication?
Well, in simplest terms, I’d saydoing away with game-playing, manipulation and good, old-fashioned b.s. goes along way to enhancing the quality of your communication! 
And how is that reductionmade?  Well, I recently came across anarticle, “Marriage Advice: Experts Give Their Most Unexpected Recommendations” in which various relationship experts offer their tips.  I was intrigued by two in particular and Ithink they’re especially relevent as you go through the emotionalroller-coaster of planning for your wedding:Psychologist Harriet Lerner, Ph.D., author of “Marriage Rules,” suggeststhat you:Talk less. “Practice saying difficult things inthree sentences or less, making your point only once in a particularconversation. When we can’t get through to our partner, we automaticallylengthen our argument and build our case. This won’t help -- and usually hurts.And we may not recognize that the sheer number of sentences may be the culprit."It can be incredibly difficult to say only, ‘Please remember not toput that knife in the dishwasher,’ or, ‘I feel uncomfortable about how much youdrank at the party,’ and leave it at that. If you go on too long, you’llactually protect your partner, who may shut down and vacate the emotionalpremises, rather than consider your legitimate criticism and good advice.”And John Gray, Ph.D., author of the “Mars/Venus” series suggeststhat you:Go to bed angry.  “I shock couples when I tell themit’s better to go to bed angry than force a make-up before bedtime. Whentensions arise in a relationship, her hormones encourage her to talk more, buthis hormones are designed for fight or flight -- not a good combination whenboth of them are already tired. It’s better to let things cool off and tellyour partner you want to talk about it later, even if that means in themorning.”While thesesuggestions go against what you might have heard, give them a try as they’ll goa long way in enhancing the quality of your communication.