In case you haven’t noticed, as yougo about planning your wedding, you and your partner inevitably will findyourselves falling into arguments. Couples have different styles for arguing. Some of these work; some of them don’t work.
Are you and your partner caught ina cycle of arguing and disagreeing? Ifso, then here are eight questions to help you better understand what’s goingon. Answer the questions honestly (notbrutally) and you’ll increase your chances of hearing and understanding eachother with more compassion.
- What are two areas of disagreement?
- What specifically are the disagreements about?
- Why are these issues important to you?
- What are you really arguing about?
- How are you now dealing with them?
- What is your attitude towards your partner while discussing/arguing these issues?
- What is your contribution to the problem?
- What is something you know you could do to break the cycle of arguing and yet you haven’t done it out of fear or stubbornness?
I suggest you each answer thesequestions and then, in a moment of calm and away from the heatedness of anyarguing, share your answers.
Do Not begin your answers with the phrase, “you this and you that”as the only response your partner can give is to lash out.
Speak from a place of “I”––I think, I feel, I want, I need.
The word “because” in and of itselfis not an answer! The more your partnercan understand why you’re thinking and feeling a certain way, the more he orshe can respond.
Arguing is part of any relationshipand is a part of any wedding planning. However, how you arguedramatically will affect the overall health of your relationship.
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